11 November 2012, her birthday...
Her phone hasn't stop beeping since morning. A lot of people send their prayers and congratulations. A lot of people, but him.
What am I expecting? He never remembers.. She mumbles weakly.
She looks down upon her hands. Nothing is there. Nothing but emptiness and disappointment.
"I need to go to the bathroom," she says to the other guy- another him in her life. The one that proposed.
That guy asked her out for a date today. She didn't really want to go, but she didn't really have other plan, so...
"You went before, " he says. "Am I making you uncomfortable? Should we just go home?" he asks her. His face looks a bit sad, so she feels sorry for him, "I'm really trying so hard to not take too much of your time.." he continues. Talking so softly that she almost cannot hear him.
"No.. it's okay.." she answers halfheartedly.
He scratches his long wavy hair out of frustration.
"I know that you've grown out of love for me. I know that," he stops for a second, "but, I can't help and be sad because you haven't answer my proposal.." he looks at her in the eye. He sounds so helpless. Miserable. And it makes her feel even more guilty. "It's been two months," he murmurs to himself.
She looks back at him and wonders, Why can't I love him? We dated for 5 years.. Have I really grown out of love for him? She sighs.
Truthfully, this other guy looks okay. He is tall. Handsome. He has beautiful brown eyes. Kind. Understanding. And he seems like he is head over heel in love with her. So, she finds it strange that she spends most of her heart on a guy like him over this guy. A guy that never remembers her birthday and never seems to try... compared to this nice soft-hearted man, him is awful.
"Why do you like me so much?" She asks him out of curiosity. "You've spent 5 years dating me so you must've known already who I really am. I've told you my story, right? What happened to me in my childhood.. and what happened now... I'm not normal, you know.." She says.
He lowers his head. "Do you remember the first time we met?" he asks.
She answers him with a nod.
"I still remember it so clearly. As if it is not a memory.. As if it was yesterday," he says. "That day, you were surrounded by so many people, yet you stood out the most. You shone so much that I, unconsciously, drawn into you, " he paused with a somewhat bitter smile. "Five years and I know your stories? Yeah, that is true. And it's true it bothered me so much at first. But.. not because I thought of it as your flaw. Instead, I was just sad because I couldn't help you back then.. If only we met sooner, if only I was there.. I wouldn't let anyone touch you," he ended his sentence with a smirk.
She looks at his deep brown eyes. Somehow, it feels warm. And somehow, she wants to believe everything he just said.
"I know everything about you, y'know? Even the things you don't know about yourself.." he continues, "I know you like soft but bold colors, but you hate pastel," he giggles."I know your eyebrows have this weird shape when you lied. And you draw random doodles when you're anxious. And you drink a lot of bottled water, especially when you're sad.." he says.
"I know that you wanted to play piano again, but it reminded you about your father so much, and it made you sad, so you just let it go..." he moves his hand towards hers. She flinches.
"I know that you love the curve of your shoulder, and that is why you love wearing certain types of clothes.. And I know that you hate your forehead, but I think it's beautiful" he continues. "I can go on and on if you let me," he sighs.
Why are you so in love with me? Why can't he fall in love with me this way instead? She thinks to herself.
"I know you know it's the truth.." he says while giggling with his eye-smile. "I am madly in love with you, y'know?"
She answers with a sneer.
"Can't you try and love me again?," he asked. "I promise you, I'll make you happy. I won't ask anything from you. Really! You can do whatever you want, and just give me a chance to take care of you. I won't ask you to do anything you don't want to. So please... can't you at least try?" He sounds so pitiful, almost like he is begging.
She can feel that her heart starts to waver. Vacillate.
If only you were loving me like this.. If only you were trying to come after me like this... then my heart wouldn't be this broken, would it?
Or at least chase me! Tell me to be with you! Make me refuse his proposal!
You know I would run to you without thinking.
She says it silently, deep in her heart-wishing him will, somehow, hear her telepathically.
"Honey.. I promise you'll be happier living with a man who loves you..more than than the man you love," he says, breaking the silence.
She lets out a deep sigh. What have I done in my life to deserve this kind of love?
She looks at his deep brown eyes once again. This kind of man seems to only come once in a lifetime, doesn't it?
She closes her eyes in tears. Perhaps, it's time for me to made up my mind.
"Will you really do that?" She asks him. A tear welled in the corner of her eyes.
He looks puzzled "W-what?"
"Make me happy and take care of me?" She answers.
"You're so precious to me.. so.. of course!" he says.
Well, I guess it's time to stop chasing pavement.
To be continue..
*Reference to Adele's song intended
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