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Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Bath Friends


Dear, children...

I have a lot of scary thoughts inside my head about how I should raise you so that you can survive in this world and grow to become a decent and compassionate human beings.
These thoughts occur because I've seen how bigotry, ignorance, and immorality are constantly growing. I see how their gravities have become larger and much scarier.

You know, love.... I want you to treat every person with kindness, just, and compassion-regardless who they are. Because often I see how the rich and pretty ones benefit and make use of their wealth/beauty unfairly. Often I see how the minority and less-privileged are experiencing multiplied difficulties for obtaining their basic rights.
I hope you can always talk, act, and walk in the corridors of truth without discrimination as to whom you are against. Do not give a person privilege just because they are richer, older, have a higher office, come from a certain group, come from a certain religion/political background, or have other advantages. Say firmly that right is right and wrong is wrong. Carry out dutifully what has been entrusted to you, and do not falter to defend your rights. Never hesitate to apologize when you are at fault, but stand firm when you are on the side of truth.

My dear, I believe that all of you will grow into dazzlingly beautiful boys and girls. However please remember that beauty is meaningless without integrity, bright minds, and sincere heart.

Be mindful of your words and actions. Remember that all of them carry weight. Remember that, not only they affect you, they also affect someone else.
Be daring, yet be considerate. Be bold, yet be polite.
Set limits. Take responsibilities. And do not forget to have fun to keep your life in balance.

Remember.... I love you. Always have, always will.

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Thaw



Why don't you fix me?

Mend all the curves that are weird and out of place...
Fade all the scars already exist...
Stroke my head gently without speaking
just because you understand,
without words...
Love me thoroughly,
without words,
just because you love me tirelessly,
without words,
just because you truly love me,
just because you earnestly love me...
.
.

Mengapa tak kau perbaiki aku?

Membetulkan semua lekuk-lekukku yang aneh dan tidak pada tempatnya... Memudarkan bekas-bekas luka yang terlanjur ada...
Membelai kepalaku lembut tanpa bicara,
hanya karena kau mengerti,
tanpa kata-kata...
Mencintaiku dalam semuanya,
tanpa kata-kata,
hanya karena cinta,
hanya karena sesungguhnya cinta,
hanya karena setulusnya cinta..

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Sorrow


The weather is colder than what she packed for.

She looks out and feels like she can touch the snow falling out of her window.

Winter is cold. But the sharp pain in her chest is much colder.

She never knew that she could feel such tremendous pain. She never expected that she would meet such excruciating depression.
The feeling of longing for acknowledgement.
The profound void of loneliness.
The constant struggle and sadness.
The hate that scarred her.
Even after she seeked help. Even after she talked to someone. Even when she was showered with love.
She feels like no one would ever understand. She knows that the dark clouds won't ever go away. And even when they say they love her... she can't believe them. She can't feel their love.
She feels numb, yet she can feel the throbbing pain.


The people she thought would give her comfort... those she thought she could rely on... those she thought would give her strength.. are also those who tortured her... are also those who demand so much from her... are also those who expected too much from her.
They expected perfection. They expected fortitude. And understanding. And patient. And unconditional love.
But they wouldn't do the same for her.
All they do was talk.
Even when she told them she was in pain. They shrugged her off.  They belittle her. As if she needed a more dramatic reason to be in pain.


"Will anyone cry for me when I'm gone? Will anyone miss me? Will my death mean something to someone or anything at all? Will they finally realise that I exist? Will they finally acknowledge how hard I've worked? Will they finally know how much pain they've caused me? Their sharp words... Their unfair judgement... Their hate...."

She thinks to herself over and over again.

She closes her eyes and hugs herself. "You're good enough. What you did was good enough. You've done well."
She puts herself to sleep.