My Interpretation*

Charles, this will be my last year here.

Yeah. I know. But it doesn’t matter.

Do you think we can survive this?

Survive what?

Next year I won’t be here. You will be busy preparing for college. It will be hard to talk everyday like we used to. There will be new juniors—perhaps someone you’ll like better than me. Someone easier to meet. Someone cuter. Someone safe. Maybe you’ll realize I am not the person you want.

Your mind is so bizzare. Hahaha. Can’t we just enjoy today—the present?

I mean, my parents see each other every day and they still fall apart. Do you really think we can survive all the hurdles?

You are you. I am me. We’re not your parents. Not mine either. 

But in theory, no, in fact.. how many people you know marry the girlfriend they met in school?

Ciara… Can’t we at least try?

But you know me.. I always decide to run away! I can suddenly ask for a break up just to see how you would react! I can’t express myself well;  I tend to hide my real thoughts.. I am bad with relationship!

And you know me. I am not very good either. But we need to at least try. If you pushed me away, I will at least linger around you. If we’re meant to be together, we’ll be together. So, let’s just enjoy what we have now, ok?

*a song by Mika that inspired this piece.

The Worlds for The Young and The Pretty

Honestly, this is the world for the young and the pretty.

Where charm gets the job before talent gets seen,

Where long hours show on your face, not your feed,

And confidence counts more than actuality.

They listen a little closer when your voice is smooth,

When your face tells a story they don’t have to soothe.

Some of us learn to read rooms like maps,

To measure our words and navigate.

We get by on timing.

Wearing silence like it’s part of the game.

We don’t chase applause or the front of the line,

Just a life that fits and a life of ease.

Moon Walk

 

I was waiting to be picked up by my driver in front of the classroom when you said hi. “Still here?” you asked.

I nodded. “My driver should have arrived 2-3 hours ago. I wonder if something happened”.

You grinned. I wasn’t sure—but it felt like I was being looked down upon.

I pretended not to notice your tease.

“Want to walk home together?” You said.

“Walk?” I answered—puzzled.

“Yeah. You don’t live too far from here, right? I’ll walk you home.”

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So we walked for 45 minutes.

No conversation.

Only scorching sunlight and the pungent smell of vehicle fumes.

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I was drenched with sweat by the time we reached the front gate of my house.

I turned to you, “Thanks for walking me home.”

“Ring your doorbell. I’ll wait until you’re inside.”

Falling In Love (Pt.3)

 

After that unique interaction in the main hall, we didn't get a chance to talk anymore.

My days went by normally and I only saw you in passing in the school corridor.

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Then, on my birthday, Ryan tapped my shoulder.

"Charles asked me to give you this," he said, pulling out a box with a red ribbon.

It's a birthday present. No note or anything, just a winter Teddy bear.

.

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During recess, I went to your class. A winter Teddy bear in my arms. 

I saw you walking out of the classroom. "Thanks for the birthday present," I said.

"You're welcome," you replied.

"But why are you giving me a present?" I asked. We're not even that close-- I said to myself.

"Didn't you ask for it?" you answered with a half laugh.

My face turned red. I ran back to my class.

.

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I remembered a few days earlier you smiled at me in the corridor.

When we passed each other, I said to you, "It's my birthday soon. Don't forget to give me a present."

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I felt so stupid.

I thought there was a special meaning behind the winter Teddy bear.

But there was only me humiliating myself.

Falling In Love (Pt.2)

 

I saw you again in the main hall when the principal made an announcement about our school latest achievement.

We stood in the same line, separated by two other people.

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You were talking to your friend.

My eyes were glued to you.

Then you saw me and flashed me a smile.

"Hey! Stationery girl!" you whispered.

I smiled back. Faintly. Awkwardly.

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I had realized this since we first met, your smile always looks bright and, at the same time, mischievous.

I wondered what kind of person you are.

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"I'm Charles," you said--suddenly already standing beside me. "I'm friends with Ryan, he's in your class right?"

I was a little dumbfounded that I couldn't answer anything. Then, the announcement from the principal was over. We were asked to return to our respective classes.

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You pouted. Still didn't get my name.

Blind Date

 

Her

How would you describe yourself?

Hm, I'm not sure. I think I'm a person who can do many things well, but not particularly an expert in anything.

What do you look for in a partner?

I want someone dependable. Someone independent, who knows exactly what he wants.

Describe your ideal relationship.

One without drama. No insecurities. No secret. Just a boring, stable, and sturdy relationship.

Thank you. We will contact you if we find a suitable match.

Him

How would you describe yourself?

I'm a go getter. I'm not scared to speak my mind and work hard to achieve my goal.

What do you look for in a partner?

A good company will be nice. At the end of the day, all I want is someone to share my day with. 

Describe your ideal relationship.

Full of laughter, humor, and good vibes.

Thank you. We will contact you if we find a suitable match.

Obsesimu

 

Kamu tidak mungkin melupakanku. Aku gadis pertamamu.

Yang pertama kau genggam tangannya. Yang pertama kau rangkul pundaknya.

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Aku ciuman pertamamu.

Yang pertama mendebarkan jantungmu. Yang pertama mendengarkan rahasiamu.

.

Jangan hindari aku. Aku tau kamu masih memimpikan aku. Aku tau terkadang kamu merindukanku.

.

Ayo datang berlari ke arahku. Akan aku tunjukan padamu,

Segenggam cinta yang kamu harap telah kamu miliki dari dulu.

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Jangan berharap kamu bisa menggantikanku.

Tidak ada gadis lain yang bisa mengungguli aku.

Saat inipun, dalam hatimu, kamu tau, aku dewimu.

Imagine Dragons

Dear Hana,

When I was a teenager, I was a girl who struggled to find something good to say about myself. When people confessed their feelings to me, I would question their intentions. I would wonder why someone as beautiful as them would want someone like me. When I looked at the mirror, all I see was a girl with daddy-issues. When I came to school, I would look around and envied other people. I would wish I was normal. I would wish I came from a normal family.

I don’t hate my parents, Hana. I appreciate everything they’ve done for me. But, honestly, they weren’t in a great place. My dad was an addict. My mom would lean on me for strength because, frankly, she had no one else. I would often see or hear them argue, or even be a part of the arguments. I would worry, wondering if today would be a great day or just another day with screaming and physical abuse. And, yeah, it affected the way I look at people.

I met some great men, Hana. But I kept pushing them away just to see which one would stick by me and never left no matter what. I would find their flaws, or even made one up, just because I was scared they would hurt me. I would leave immediately if I saw even a tiny bit of my father’s characteristic in them. I would hurt them. I would feel insecure around them. And I would be annoyingly clingy if I really liked them.

Hana, I was so scared of ending up with the wrong man. Not because I was scared of choosing the wrong spouse, but because I want My children to have a great dad. I don’t want my kids to look at their friends and have the urge to ask, “what does it feel like to be a daughter of a great man?” I don’t want them to live their life feeling abnormal. Or even slightly crooked.

Hana, a lot of men are evil. But you surely can find a great one. The one that fits you like a glove. The one who makes you feel like you don’t need to be somebody else but yourself. The one who makes you comfortable being yourself, with all your scars and secrets. A great man will never persuade you to do something you’re not sure about. He won’t make you feel like you should pretend to like something you don’t. He will allow you to work in your pace. He will be there when you hit rock bottom, supporting you and be the person to give you strength. He won’t make you question yourself—On the contrary, he will make you notice how amazing you are. He will still tell you that you’re pretty even when you’re having breakouts or gain some weight.

Hana, I hope you grow up amazing. I hope when you look in the mirror you know for sure that you are loved, talented, and perfectly perfect. People might make you feel like your forehead is too big or your hair is too thin, but I hope you will feel fine because you know you are amazingly flawless— forehead and hair included.

Know that I love you a lot. Life can be hard to navigate. But, as long as you keep a clear view and a strong root, you will always know where to go.

(Inspired by ‘Our Song’ by Taylor Swift)

Arabica

Everybody have their own favorite memory from their first love. Mine would probably be my first kiss.
I’m not sure if I can even call it a kiss. It was more like a peck. One that made me blush every time I remember.
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I always knew I wouldn’t end up with him. I always knew our relationship was temporary and would eventually end, because that’s just how most first loves are. However, I was so deeply invested that I didn’t really care about the ending— I just enjoyed every moments while it last.
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It might not make much sense, but my first love wasn’t my first boyfriend. I was quite popular back then, so I changed boyfriends like they’re plastic bags. I changed boyfriends so often, yet I never let anyone stole my first kiss. I always wanted it to be with someone special.  Because? Because I valued myself highly. I knew it should be an honor to be my first love and have my first kiss.
He was probably the second boyfriend I had that year. The longest relationship I had in my adolescence. 10 memorable months. 
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So, where were we? Ah! First kiss!
We were on a picnic date. It was a beautiful day in a beautiful park. The sky was blue with white pretty clouds here and there. The grass smelled amazing. He looked dazzling. He dressed like a McDreamy— you know, the kind of style  you’d imagine  from a lead male character in a romance novel.

We were talking about the future. What would it feel like to be college kids. What would we want to do 10 years from now. Just the usual talk, nothing special. 
I was looking at him as he explained lengthy about his favorite music. His side profile was mesmerizing. His eyes were bright and pure.
Suddenly, he turned his head to me. He smiled and asked, “Do I have ketchup on my face?”
I shook my head, then I went for a peck. Lips to lips. 3 seconds. That’s it.


(Writer’s note : Inspired by IU ‘Through The Night’)

Backstage

In no way do I feel that I’m as good as Shakespeare or Hemmingway. But well, it might be interesting to know where my inspirations come from.
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Tiny bits of my writings do came from personal experience. However, most of the time, it comes from imagination.
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The piece called ‘Falling in Love’ was written when a drummer of a band I used to listen to was jailed for drug misuse. The title and content of the piece was inspired by their songs.
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‘Shiver’ was inspired by a Coldplay song with the same title.
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‘Antagonis’ was inspired by a conversation I had with my husband. It made me wonder how an antagonist must be feeling. Was an antagonist born bad? Or did their circumstances change them? I think it must have been really sad and lonely because the society decided to put a terible label for them, sometimes without trying to know their stories.
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‘Red Queen’ was inspired by the death of Sulli - a kpop star. Sulli was friend with IU, and their fans thought Red Queen was written by IU for Sulli (in addition to Peach).
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‘Lavender’ was written right after I watched a documentary about Princess Diana.
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‘Sorrow’ was inspired by SHINEE Jonghyun’s suicide.
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‘Promise Her the Moon’ was written based on a song with the same title.
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Yeah, so that’s a glimpse of this blog’s backstage— which is my brain, lol.
I have a lot of fun writing here. And the thought of no-one-is-reading really makes me at ease. I can really write with no burden or anxiety of anyone’s judgement. It is very liberating.
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Thank you dear, Blog! I hope you will stay lowkey forever ❤️