Silent Reader

I can name quite a few people who might wish my life would be a failure. Probably a few more who might try to discreetly stalk my life progress—sitting behind their gadget  with interest and a tinge of urge to sneer.

I don’t really blame them. Human nature can be complex. Sometimes, instead of focusing on our own path, we get curious about how others are doing—especially those we compare ourselves to. That’s why it doesn’t surprise me when I notice readers using proxy or VPN to visit my blog. It’s almost symbolic: wanting to see without being seen.

But here’s the thing: life isn’t a competition. My wins don’t erase someone else’s potential, and my struggles don’t make anyone else stronger. We’re all just trying to figure things out at our own pace.

I write here not to prove anything, but to process my thoughts. To turn my inner world into words. If anyone comes across these reflections—whether they come with kindness, indifference, or even envy—I still hope they find something useful. Maybe a reminder, maybe comfort, or maybe just the gentle reminiscence of an old friend. 

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PS: A little guideline when reading this blog--- check the label on each post or browse by labels on the left. That way, you’ll be able to tell which ones are fictional and which contain my real thoughts/opinions.

The Highs are Not For Show

If you know me in real life—or if you’ve been around my blog or social media—you might notice I rarely talk about the highs in my life. The joyful moments, the wins, or the things I’m grateful for don’t always make it into what I share publicly.

Sometimes I wonder if that gives off the wrong impression. Maybe it makes it seem like I’m always struggling, or not content with my life. But alhamdulillah, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I know how blessed and privileged I am, and I carry a lot of gratitude in my heart.

The reason I don't post much about the good things isn't because they’re not there—it’s because I believe in Ain. It might sound strange to those who don’t believe in it, but for me, it's something real. That’s why I tend to keep the good moments (or things I cherish most) private. They feel safer that way, protected from unwanted energy or attention that might unintentionally cause harm.

I wasn't always this private. In fact, if you catch me in person, I might overshare without meaning to—lol. But when it comes to social media or the community around me, I’ve grown more reserved. It’s not about hiding anything, really. I just don’t feel the need to invite people into every part of my life or to seek validation online.

I’m also quite fond of modesty. I appreciate when people perceive me as someone grounded, because I think there’s something really cool about not needing to announce everything. Truly confident people, I believe, let their lives speak for themselves.

So if you’ve ever read my posts and wondered what my life is really like, just talk to me. I’m always up for a good conversation.

I'm Fearless But I Still Fear

Jika ada yang bertanya mengenai makna kebahagiaan, maka akan kuceritakan pada mereka dongeng-dongeng yang sama tidak mungkinnya dengan kebahagiaan itu sendiri.

Karena kebahagiaan, sebagaimana dongeng, sering kali diciptakan oleh mereka yang terlalu lama hidup dalam kekosongan. Kita memberinya bentuk, nama, bahkan jalan cerita — seolah ia sesuatu yang bisa ditunjuk dari kejauhan, dijadikan tujuan, dipetakan.

Padahal, berapa banyak dari kita yang benar-benar bisa berkata, Aku bahagia, tanpa ada sedikit pun rasa bersalah, atau takut kehilangan?

Mungkin kebahagiaan bukan sesuatu yang terjadi. Ia hanya momen-momen kecil yang lewat begitu cepat, seringkali tanpa disadari. Bukan perayaan, tapi jeda. Seperti tarikan napas di tengah kalimat panjang yang melelahkan. Seperti cahaya yang jatuh di sudut kamar pada pukul lima sore — tak berguna, tak penting, tapi untuk sesaat, cukup.

Orang mencari bahagia seperti mencari sesuatu yang hilang. Tapi bagaimana kalau yang hilang itu memang tidak pernah ada? Bagaimana kalau kita hanya ingin percaya bahwa hidup bisa terasa utuh, meski setiap hari mengikis sedikit demi sedikit diri kita?

#darkest thoughts always need an outlet#

by Qintha