Inheritance

I don't understand how a mom whose mom

just watched her go through painful wifehood

and bruised, thankless motherhood

would do the same to her daughter.

How does sorrow not become warning?

How does the hurt not sharpen into refusal?

How does she sit still,

while her child drowns in the same silence

she once choked on?

They say pain teaches.

But some just learn how to pass it down—

with folded towels, tight smiles,

and casseroles that taste like surrender.

She hands over the burden like it's heirloom.

As if love means letting it happen again,

but quieter this time.

I set the table, like she taught me.

Bite back the scream, like she showed me.

And every time I bleed from biting,

I wonder if she ever sees

how familiar I must look.

Like looking in a mirror,

but choosing to blink.

Let Me Escape to The Godly Realm For One Second

If I were God, I’d never create people like you or me.
Too fragile for the storms, too proud to ask for shelter.
We bruise each other by accident and call it fate.
We mistake silence for peace, distance for dignity.

If I were God, I’d skip the part
where we learn to love through loss,
where we taste sweetness only after we’ve
swallowed salt.

I’d never design walking contradictions,
I wouldn’t give us mouths that lie kindly,
or eyes that see the best in those
who leave.

Saying “I’m fine” while quietly drowning.

We apologize for crying,
laugh when we’re anxious,
hug people who don’t know
how much they’ve broken us.
Isn’t it funny? The way we keep going?

If I were God, I’d make simpler beings—
not ones who write poems about pain.

But maybe that’s the point.
Maybe there’s a strange kind of grace
in being this messy.
Maybe there's beauty in the breaking.

Maybe if I were God,
I'd still make people like you and me—
just not so good at pretending.

original poetry by:

-Qintha Djais-

Surga dengan Harga Tertera

Jika mereka bisa membeli surga,

maka tidak akan ada lagi dinding yang membatasi kesemena-menaan mereka.

Mereka akan mencabut pagar-pagar kematian,

dan menanam koin emas di lubang-lubang pengakuan dosa.

Di meja makan mereka, kemiskinan disajikan seperti lauk dingin,

sementara kesedihan digulung dalam roti mewah yang tidak pernah basi.

Sebab, bagi mereka, manusia hanyalah angka dalam laporan laba,

dan ampunan adalah diskon besar yang datang setiap hari raya.

Aku melihat cara mereka mencetak Tuhan dari mesin uang,

membasuh rasa bersalah dengan derma berbau kemegahan.

Mereka pikir langit bisa disuap dengan pilar-pilar marmer,

dan bahwa air mata orang kecil hanyalah selokan yang harus dikeringkan.

Tetapi, apa yang abadi dari keangkuhan?

Saat tubuh mereka rapuh, tak ada kuitansi yang bisa menukar waktu.

Reservation Only

People never know how amazing I am because I keep the best parts of myself hidden away, reserved for moments only I can cherish. 

The brilliance, the resilience, the dreams too bold to share—they’re mine to hold in quiet solitude. 

I’ve learned that not everyone deserves to see the full extent of my light, so I let them glimpse only what’s necessary. 

The rest remains locked within a secret universe, where I can truly be free, unjudged, and unapologetically whole.

Multiple Suicides

I am alive and breathing, but you can never know how many times I’ve killed myself. 

I’ve killed the version of me that perked up with excitement and anticipation. 

I now always prepare for the worst to avoid disappointment. 

I’ve killed that version too—the one who felt disappointed. 

I now simply swallow whatever heart-wrenching truths I’m forced to endure.

I’ve buried them beneath layers of half-hearted smiles and silence, convincing myself it’s better this way.

I've carried them like stones in my chest, heavy yet hollow.

Armored

I have a shield I wield in fear,

To guard the heart, keep others near.

A thorny mask both warm and cold,

It breaks the soul it aims to hold.

My Tears Don't Worth A Dime

 Tangisku jatuh tanpa gema,

seperti hujan di kota yang lupa caranya basah.

Aku menadah, tapi yang datang hanya genggaman kosong,

imbalanku hanya mata yang perih dan lebam.

Jika luka bisa ditukar dengan iba,

mungkin aku sudah menukar diri sejak lama.

Tapi hidup tak menerima air mata sebagai mata uang,

jadi aku berhenti mengharapkan cahaya di ujung lorong.

Bagi wanita yang bukan siapapun bagi siapa-siapa,

tidak banyak-banyak bermimpi adalah cara terbaik bertahan hidup.

The Worlds for The Young and The Pretty

Honestly, this is the world for the young and the pretty.

Where charm gets the job before talent gets seen,

Where long hours show on your face, not your feed,

And confidence counts more than actuality.

They listen a little closer when your voice is smooth,

When your face tells a story they don’t have to soothe.

Some of us learn to read rooms like maps,

To measure our words and navigate.

We get by on timing.

Wearing silence like it’s part of the game.

We don’t chase applause or the front of the line,

Just a life that fits and a life of ease.

You of Today

Untuk kamu yang sekarang,
Yang mengharapkan darah dari mereka
Yang menyakitimu atau membiarkanmu
Andaikan Tuhan kita memperbolehkan manusia
Mengharapkan keburukan bagi manusia lainnya

Untuk kamu yang dahulu
Diam saja ketika runcing lidah mereka
Mengiris rohmu
Andaikan Tuhan kita memperbolehkan manusia
Membalas kebengisan dengan kebengisan

Untuk kamu di esok hari,
Yang berharap peruntunganmu lebih
Baik dari hari ini apalagi kemarin
Andaikan Tuhan kita memperbolehkan manusia
Menukar kesedihan dengan segala cara.
Aku cinta.

~

Hello you of today,
Who crave for blood of those
Who harm or let you suffer
I wish our God allow us humans to
Wish for doom of another human

Hello you of the past
Who remained quiet when their spiky tongue
Slashed your soul
I wish our God allow us humans to
Reward cruelty with cruelty 

Hello you of tomorrow 
Who wish your luck is
Better than today all the more yesterday 
I wish our God allow us humans to
Exchange misery with every means.
I love you.

How Can I Be Bigger Than The Moon?

Tell me,
How can I be bigger than the moon
and untangled
and smooth
and at ease
when the world is just so chaotic?

How can I be sweeter than a sugar rush
when the world is torturing
constantly stabbing
and continously being strenuous?

How can I be free
and radiant
and immortal
when life is pitch black and concealed?

I tried to fix the broken light bulbs
instead of demolishing the house.
Yet the light is faint.

So tell me,
How can I be bigger than the moon?
How can you?

I See Your Smile and The World Is Well

Please...
Keep the noise in
my head down.
The rustling
The echoes
The splashes.

I want to sleep
without having to
count the sheeps.

I want my world
to be happy
and smells like
pinacolada.

Please...
Be silent for once.
I need the peace
and the quiet.
I need to be un-
anxious.

Thaw

Why don't you fix me?

Mend all the curves that are weird and out of place...
Fade all the scars already exist...
Stroke my head gently without speaking
just because you understand,
without words...
Love me thoroughly,
without words,
just because you love me tirelessly,
without words,
just because you truly love me,
just because you earnestly love me...
.
.

Mengapa tak kau perbaiki aku?

Membetulkan semua lekuk-lekukku yang aneh dan tidak pada tempatnya... Memudarkan bekas-bekas luka yang terlanjur ada...
Membelai kepalaku lembut tanpa bicara,
hanya karena kau mengerti,
tanpa kata-kata...
Mencintaiku dalam semuanya,
tanpa kata-kata,
hanya karena cinta,
hanya karena sesungguhnya cinta,
hanya karena setulusnya cinta..

Remembrance

And among the fragments and ruins
Of black and white cogitation..
Of colorful and vibrant grief...

I discover myself longing for the same memories

-----

Dan di antara kepingan-kepingan
Dan reruntuhan-reruntuhan
Renungan yang hitam-putih
Dan duka yang berwarna menyala

Kutemukan diriku mengais kenangan yang sama

♡Q♡

Popcorn

Falling in love with you gives me so much pleasure. As if I'm eating a jumbo sized popcorn while laying in bed lazily and watching an award winning movie.

Falling in love with you is so effortless. Rare. Fulfilling. Beatify. Stimulating.

Like the crunch of my favorite salty popcorn.

Cherries in The Bushes

Promise me that you will break my heart
Like cherries in the bushes

Paint the grave of my heart's left chamber
In pale orange
And keep the right chamber
Underneath fake grasses

Promise me that you will break my heart
So that my heels stopped dashing,
Like cherries in the bushes
Like guns and its ashes.

The Odds

When I love you, everything seems to fall into its place
The noise,
turns into serenity
The rumbling,
becomes at peace
No hassle.
All there is..
Is you and me,
Slow dancing against the stream

Lani

Photos by : Rizeki Raharja Artwork and Design

I remember the sand that get stuck under your nail
On our date to the beach.
And the pink stain on your left cheek
After our kiss.

And then I remember the sky got less blue
And the grass less green
After you left.

(Inspired by : Lani, the sky can never get less blue, but the vision might gets blurry)

The Earliest Bird

The early bird set out for the worm,

but stumbled into a dragon instead.

Now it soars on borrowed wings,

wondering why it ever aimed so small.

Opera

Banyak hal sukar aku cerna,
Kamu salah satunya.

Bagaimana bisa dengan mudahnya
Lisanmu melontarkan dusta
Tentang cinta yang untukku menyala?

Bagaimana bisa dengan lenturnya
Hatimu mengganda
Acuh dan sepelekan hikayat kita?

Lorong sepi pangkal semua ini
Pasti bertanya hal yang sama,
Kenapa memintaku berjalan beriringan
Kalau kau sendiri yang menyilangkan?

Terima kasih,
Telah meloloskanku
Dari lakon buruk.
Biar dia saja yang menikmati
Kepalsuanmu yang menyesatkan.

The Fool

Hei kamu!
Sesungguhnya aku tau kamu rindu
Pada cintaku yang berlebihan,
Pada rupaku yang menyilaukan.

Sesungguhnya aku tau kamu berawai
Karena kebohonganmu hanya
Memberimu wanita biasa-biasa saja.

Sesungguhnya aku tau kamu berhasrat
Masa lalu bisa kembali
Agar kamu menggenggam tanganku
Yang berlari pergi.

Tapi maaf saja
Untukku kamu hanya barang rongsok.

Silakan enyah karena aku tidak lagi butuh
Laki-laki yang dengan mudah menukar cinta
Atau dengan sukarela bersembunyi
Di balik pretensi

Hei kamu!
Kulambaikan tanganku
Hatiku juga sudah lama
Jauh pergi.