The noise,
turns into serenity
The rumbling,
becomes at peace
No hassle.
All there is..
Is you and me,
Slow dancing against the stream
Recent Posts
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
The Odds
The noise,
turns into serenity
The rumbling,
becomes at peace
No hassle.
All there is..
Is you and me,
Slow dancing against the stream
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Promise Her The Moon #1
PREVIEW
Her : "Hi! You there?"
Him : "Yep! How are you?"
Her : "I'm good. Are you busy? Can we talk?"
Him : "I'm cooking dinner. But we can talk"
Her : "Somebody propose to me.."
Him : "..."
Her : "Are you eating now?"
Him : "Yeah..."
Him : "So, will you accept his proposal?"
Her : "I don't know yet. Should I?"
Him : "..."
Him : "Well, congratulation..."
===================================
PROLOG
During her shift in a drizzling September night 2012....
She looks at the ceiling with a blank stare. It is a very tiring night shift. Even though she is not the only doctors in charge, somehow she still feels exhausted. Drained.
Her partners are already asleep. She thinks they must've been exhausted also. There aren't that many patients that night. But, still.. a shift in the ER never fails to suck all your energy.
She reaches for her cell phone. A little disappointed because there isn't any message from anyone. From him, especially.
Should I just text him first? She asks herself.
But..., she hesitates. She doesn't want to show him how desperate she is about him, and at the same time, it's hard to resist the temptations.
I've been avoiding that other guy for a week now. Soon, of course he will be impatient. It's about time I give him my answer..., She groans because she feels frustrated. Suffocated. She wonders why he has not been texting her.
It's not that he is obligated to text me.. But.. She groans again.
We're just friends. He doesn't need to text me if he has nothing to ask me about. She tries to put some sense into her heart, but an ominous feeling suddenly surrounds her.
She lets out a deep sigh. She feels bitter thinking about him. She feels stupid and sad at the same time. He makes her feels like a beggar all the time. He gives her a hard time reading his intentions. He gives her hopes, yet he never really gives her hopes. It's too complicated!
She looks at her phone again. Should I just text him? It's not like I'm trying to make him jealous or anything... It's just, we're friends.. So I'm just going to tell my friend what had happened in my life. She convinces herself.
After she finally finds an excuse, she musters up her courage and texts him first. It's the first time they contact each other after so long.
She glances at her watch. It's 11 PM. She hopes he's still awake
Her : "Hi! You there?"
She sends it. Then, directly regrets it. And she waits anxiously for his answer.
Him : "Yep! How are you?"
Her : "I'm good. Are you busy now? Can we talk?"
Him : "I'm cooking dinner. But, we can talk..."
Her : "Can I ask you something strange? What are we, actually? How do you feel about me? About us?? Aren't you tired playing me? Aren't you bored already?! " She types it, but soon deletes it.
Her : "Do you remember my previous ex-boyfriend? The long term one.. you know, the one I dated for 5 years?" She sends this instead.
He doesn't answer directly. There is a five minutes gap. He must be busy cooking, she thinks to herself.
Him : " Yeah.. what about him?"
She hesitates a bit. Should I really tell him? Or... Should I just figure everything out myself?
Her : "..."
Him : "You still there? What are you doing now? Aren't you in the hospital?"
She feels a bit relieved that he changes the topic. Her : "Yeah. Still on duty. No patients at the moment, tho.."
Him : "So? What about that ex-boyfriend?"
She is a little surprised that he brings that up again because she thought he didn't want to talk about it. Apparently, he do want to talk about it.
So she mutters nonsense, then decides to tell him. Argh! Whatever, she says to herself.
Her : "He proposed last week"
He doesn't answer for a long time. There is a long pause. Almost half an hour.
Is he eating now? She tries not to get her hopes up.
I mean... It's not like he will be jealous or shocked, right?
It's not like we're in a relationship or something!
He must've figured out by now..the fact that I like him.. But, it's not like he ever treated me special or anything.
It's not like I mean something to him, right?
He never remembers my birthday, so...
It can't be that I actually mean something, right?
A lot of thoughts crosses her mind. She feels like... this is it.. After this, she will finally decide... After this, she will know what to do. Whether she will keep going.. or she will, finally, let him go and move on.
Her : "Are you eating now?"
Him : "Yeah.."
Another pause.
Him : "So? What are you gonna do with him?"
Her : "I don't know yet... I'm confused.. Should I accept?"
He pauses for a long time again. Come on! Don't get my hopes high!! Don't make me feel as if I actually mean something to you! Why are you playing with my heart?!! She groans while kicking her feet in the air. He confuses me. All the time.
Him : "Well, congratulation..."
Congratulation? She murmurs to herself. She looks at her screen with a choke on her throat. She feels dizzy and there is a sharp pain somewhere she cannot explain. How come two words could shatter her hearts into aladeen pieces?
"Excuse me, doctor. There is a patient outside!" one of the nurse knocks on the door.
Ah... shit.. I guess, this is it, then.
To be continue...
Her : "Hi! You there?"
Him : "Yep! How are you?"
Her : "I'm good. Are you busy? Can we talk?"
Him : "I'm cooking dinner. But we can talk"
Her : "Somebody propose to me.."
Him : "..."
Her : "Are you eating now?"
Him : "Yeah..."
Him : "So, will you accept his proposal?"
Her : "I don't know yet. Should I?"
Him : "..."
Him : "Well, congratulation..."
===================================
PROLOG
During her shift in a drizzling September night 2012....
She looks at the ceiling with a blank stare. It is a very tiring night shift. Even though she is not the only doctors in charge, somehow she still feels exhausted. Drained.
Her partners are already asleep. She thinks they must've been exhausted also. There aren't that many patients that night. But, still.. a shift in the ER never fails to suck all your energy.
She reaches for her cell phone. A little disappointed because there isn't any message from anyone. From him, especially.
Should I just text him first? She asks herself.
But..., she hesitates. She doesn't want to show him how desperate she is about him, and at the same time, it's hard to resist the temptations.
I've been avoiding that other guy for a week now. Soon, of course he will be impatient. It's about time I give him my answer..., She groans because she feels frustrated. Suffocated. She wonders why he has not been texting her.
It's not that he is obligated to text me.. But.. She groans again.
We're just friends. He doesn't need to text me if he has nothing to ask me about. She tries to put some sense into her heart, but an ominous feeling suddenly surrounds her.
She lets out a deep sigh. She feels bitter thinking about him. She feels stupid and sad at the same time. He makes her feels like a beggar all the time. He gives her a hard time reading his intentions. He gives her hopes, yet he never really gives her hopes. It's too complicated!
She looks at her phone again. Should I just text him? It's not like I'm trying to make him jealous or anything... It's just, we're friends.. So I'm just going to tell my friend what had happened in my life. She convinces herself.
After she finally finds an excuse, she musters up her courage and texts him first. It's the first time they contact each other after so long.
She glances at her watch. It's 11 PM. She hopes he's still awake
Her : "Hi! You there?"
She sends it. Then, directly regrets it. And she waits anxiously for his answer.
Him : "Yep! How are you?"
Her : "I'm good. Are you busy now? Can we talk?"
Him : "I'm cooking dinner. But, we can talk..."
Her : "
Her : "Do you remember my previous ex-boyfriend? The long term one.. you know, the one I dated for 5 years?" She sends this instead.
He doesn't answer directly. There is a five minutes gap. He must be busy cooking, she thinks to herself.
Him : " Yeah.. what about him?"
She hesitates a bit. Should I really tell him? Or... Should I just figure everything out myself?
Her : "..."
Him : "You still there? What are you doing now? Aren't you in the hospital?"
She feels a bit relieved that he changes the topic. Her : "Yeah. Still on duty. No patients at the moment, tho.."
Him : "So? What about that ex-boyfriend?"
She is a little surprised that he brings that up again because she thought he didn't want to talk about it. Apparently, he do want to talk about it.
So she mutters nonsense, then decides to tell him. Argh! Whatever, she says to herself.
Her : "He proposed last week"
He doesn't answer for a long time. There is a long pause. Almost half an hour.
Is he eating now? She tries not to get her hopes up.
I mean... It's not like he will be jealous or shocked, right?
It's not like we're in a relationship or something!
He must've figured out by now..the fact that I like him.. But, it's not like he ever treated me special or anything.
It's not like I mean something to him, right?
He never remembers my birthday, so...
It can't be that I actually mean something, right?
A lot of thoughts crosses her mind. She feels like... this is it.. After this, she will finally decide... After this, she will know what to do. Whether she will keep going.. or she will, finally, let him go and move on.
Her : "Are you eating now?"
Him : "Yeah.."
Another pause.
Him : "So? What are you gonna do with him?"
Her : "I don't know yet... I'm confused.. Should I accept?"
He pauses for a long time again. Come on! Don't get my hopes high!! Don't make me feel as if I actually mean something to you! Why are you playing with my heart?!! She groans while kicking her feet in the air. He confuses me. All the time.
Him : "Well, congratulation..."
Congratulation? She murmurs to herself. She looks at her screen with a choke on her throat. She feels dizzy and there is a sharp pain somewhere she cannot explain. How come two words could shatter her hearts into aladeen pieces?
"Excuse me, doctor. There is a patient outside!" one of the nurse knocks on the door.
Ah... shit.. I guess, this is it, then.
To be continue...
Monday, March 17, 2014
Tomorrow
The sun will always find its entrance through a narrow slit.
Even if you shut your eyes tightly.
And the future will always continue to come.
No matter how hard you hold on to the past.
No matter how hard you hold on to the past.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Never Growing Up
I finally understand how hard it is to survive. I used to cuddle under my mom's embrace, not knowing how much work that needed to be done.
Now that I understand, surviving means more and more like sacrificing. Or excruciating. Or draining.
Now that I understand, surviving means more and more like sacrificing. Or excruciating. Or draining.
But no one can escape life forever.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Past
Photo taken with Analaog Camera. Minolta. Kodak celluloid.
Do you think it is strange... that I thought of you a lot, right before my wedding? Do you think I am still addicted to you and to our unfinished love stories? Do you think, deep inside my heart, I am still looking for you in the dense of other loves?
I think this is God's way, dear past... To remind me that love can be very painful, and that I need to make myself ready. Because, now, I am heading toward an eternal and holly commitment of love. where anything can happen, and the risk of pain is worse.
I think this is God's way of warning me, dear past... That I might become an antagonist in someone else's stories. And that I might also be the protagonist. But the choice is not mine to take, it is in other's to give away.
I think. God loves me so much. And wants me to learn from our horrible love stories. About our love that used to be so magical, but then vanished into thin air. Also, about our ending that has never happened... And our last conversation that never linger.
Dear, past... I wish you will thought of me too. May be one day. When your own wedding is near.
I hope God loves you too. As much as I used to.
And now, let this be the last time I write about you. Because I already have someone that fits me better than you. Way better.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Back
The feeling of not having anyone to watch your back, for me, it is frustrating.
I think the core of being human is to have another human as our support group. People that will stand up for us except ourselves. People that we can count on. People that watches our back. People that appreciate, rather than looked down on, us. People that believe, rather than underrate, us.
The feeling of not having anyone to watch your back, for me, it is irritating and saddening. But most of all, isolating. Lonely-ing.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Lani
Photos by : Rizeki Raharja Artwork and Design
I remember the sand that get stuck under your nail
On our date to the beach.
And the pink stain on your left cheek
After our kiss.
And then I remember the sky got less blue
And the grass less green
After you left.
(Inspired by : Lani, the sky can never get less blue, but the vision might gets blurry)
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Be Minor
Wandered into an unfamiliar place. Crawled into a space we don't really fit.
Most of us never really know how it feels to be a minority.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
City Of Broken Souls
Photo by : Rizeki Raharja Artwork and Photography
A : I want to go to a city where all the broken souls gather.
B : You sound depressed.
A : Why?
B : Why would anyone go to a place where all the broken souls gather? Why would anyone with hope, positive mind, and a future, wanted to leave a happy place?
A : Why not?
B : Why do you want to go to a city where all the broken souls gather?
A : I want to cure them.
(Inspired by a post from Sincere Soul )
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Delish
Day 1 :
A : What do you want to eat tonight?
B : Soerabi with banana fillings and chocholate-cheese topping
A : Oke!
Day 3 :
A : What do you want to eat tonight?
B : Soerabi with ba..
A : We already ate that yesterday, and two nights ago. Want to try something else?
B : Ok. Soerabi with nuts fillings and vla pelangi topping
A : ...
Day 4 :
A : Let's go eat soerabi!
B : *biggrin